Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize