I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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