You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
