what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
