should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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