I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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