I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
