so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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