We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
