shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
