No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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