no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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