all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
