I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
