There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
