I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
