Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
