Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
