so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
