She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All the doctor said was why
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
