he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize