so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
