I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
