If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
pray to the hookup gods
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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