Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
