You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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