I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
