this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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