last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
