He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
