I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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