I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
