dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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