i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
