I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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