my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
