I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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