she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
