anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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