Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i barfeds in our rink
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
