help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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