Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
