Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
