Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
