my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
