Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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