I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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