In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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