Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
