I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
