remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
