I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize