Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
