Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is it because I queefed?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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