I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
