Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
