I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
