you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
