So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
