Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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