I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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