In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
