So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
