bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I look better un-naked...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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