I think i peed on brittanys purse
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
