the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
